Fallen
by PfenixB
Summary: Vincent is gone, but Cid still talks to him every night. No real pairing. Quite different from all my other work.


Bear with me on the style. Cid's POV, and he goes from addressing his surroundings to addressing Vincent and back every so often. It's up to you whether you think he's talking or just thinking, but I imagine he's talking to thin air and waving his hands around. This isn't necessarily after the battle with Omega. It's on your timeline, whether you want to say they grew old together or whatever.

Mild implications of past Cid/Vincent, if you choose to read it that way

Mild language

* * *

I held a star once. Right in my hand. So beautiful. But stars that fall almost always end up goin' back to where they started. This one did. Went right back inta the sky. I was never sorrier to see anything go.

I watch for 'im every now an' then, hopin' I'll at least catch a glimpse, an' makin' sure that if 'e falls again, I'll be there to catch 'im. Can't have 'im wakin' up alone. He never did like bein' alone.

I wonder if 'e feels alone up there with the stars. I'd hate to think he does. But there's so many of 'em, so much space out there…he must feel small. But he was the biggest thing in my life. I wish I'd told 'im that more often. I sure hope he knows. Hope he remembers when he looks around him and sees that for once in his life, he's just exactly like everyone around him.

He always wanted that. Always hated standin' out. Hated what made him stand out even more'n that. But he would've been special to me even without all that. Hope he knows that too.

I wonder sometimes if he misses me. He didn't talk much about 'imself. We didn't talk much about feelin's, either, but I think he was grateful. I never woulda wanted t'hear 'im say that, though. Me, I want 'im to accept as somethin' he deserved, 'cause he did deserve it. I loved him. An' shit, I wish he was here with me. But I hope…I hope he doesn't miss me, 'cause that'd make 'im lonely, but then…well, shit, I'd like to know he thinks about me just the same. Just…I hope thinkin' about me don't make 'im sad. He was sad enough when he was here, no matter what I did.

Naw, he didn't talk much, but he felt a lot. I know that much. An' most o' what he felt was sorrow, betrayal, shit like that. If I let him feel happiness for just a little while, I'm glad for that. I just hope it didn't leave him when he left me.

I wonder if he had a choice. I'd hate to think he didn't, that fate just dealt 'im another hand that left 'im with no options, but then…I'd also hate to think he had a choice an' left anyway. That hurts a little, thinkin' about that. But if it was best for 'im, if leavin' me makes all his hurtin' go away, then I'll hurt, an' I'll be damn happy about it.

I always wanted t'take it off his shoulders. He never would let me. Said it wasn't my problem. Guess he couldn't see how it killed me, seein' 'im struggle along, never stoppin' to rest. He said he didn't deserve to rest. His thirty years asleep was his only rest, he said, but I know, an' I know he knows I know, that that sleep wasn't rest. I know it was full o' nightmares an' demons, an' I know he thinks that's what he deserved, but I sure wish I coulda proved 'im wrong.

Just once, I would've liked to see 'im smile. Bet it's damn beautiful. But smiles weren't his style. Funny, ain't it, how 'e could shine so bright without ever smilin' or bein' happy? But he did shine. He shined brighter'n anyone I've ever known, an' a hell of a lot brighter'n the stars I'm lookin' at now.

They used to be all I wanted, you know. The stars. Space. I wanted to be there, just for me, just to be a part o' that vastness. But once I met him, the stars didn't mean shit. I knew I had the star I needed.

It's hell knowin' he's up there now. What I used to want an' what I want now, together, out o' my reach. Kills me.

I really…I really wish I could've held 'im just a little longer. I know it wouldn't'a made a diff'rence, that when 'e left I'd only wish I had more time, no matter how much time we'd had. I know that. An' I guess it's selfish, but what the hell does it matter? Ain't go nobody to share with. Might as well be selfish.

I almost hope he falls again, so I can prove I wasn't lyin' when I said I'd always catch him. But at the same time, I hope he doesn't. 'Cause somethin' tells me he's happy up there, an' maybe waitin' for me. If I meet him there, neither one of us'll have any reason t'be selfish.

He'll say, _"You're late, Chief,"_ an' I'll tell 'im he's wrong. I'll tell 'im he was too fuckin' early, an' it'll be the truth.

It's about time somebody put the selfish bastard in 'is place, after all. Leavin' like that, without a word to anybody. What the hell was he thinkin'? Shit…

Look at me. Even when 'e's gone I can't stay mad at 'im. I ain't no good at this.

Well…guess it's goodnight, Vin, 'til I see you again. I'll be here tomorrow, an' the next day, an' every day until I stop missin' you.

But you oughta know this- the day I don't come here'll be the day I'm there with ya, an' that's the truth, too.

Yeah, I held a star once. An' I wish with all my heart I coulda kept it, but beautiful things don't last too long around here. They all get broken. But wherever he is now, he's all in one piece, an' he'll smile when he sees me, I know it.

-July 8, 2009


End file.
